June 16, 2013
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The New Normal
I was looking for a laptop bag for my wife, who is going to start college tomorrow. I found an old soft sided briefcase from my days on the road, and inside was a notebook that contained a journal. In the midst of the memories of being new parents, I found this story I had written, dated 2 March 2000.
It seemed a year had passed, these few days since the funeral. As father and daughter each struggled with their own grief, life began again to return to normal. The phone was again quiet. The doorbell had stopped ringing. He had returned to work today and she to school. A hundred times their conversation stopped short this night. "Mom, can I color?...Oh" "Dear, where are the new checks?" and again, "Oh." followed by a silence that conveyed a slow dawning of the realization that this was forever.
At bedtime she asks, "Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight?"
"Of course, honey," he says, brushing a tear from her eye.
Sleep would be welcomed, but the bed still smells of her, and it eludes him.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes dear?"
He yawns as sleep begins to dull his senses.
"It's an awful dark night, isn't it, Daddy?"
Awake again. She cannot see his tears. "Yes, dear,"
"Daddy, are you facing me?"
"Uh-huh." He pauses. "Why do you ask?", but she is already asleep.
"Yes, dear. I am facing you."
Comments (3)
This seems as if it could have been written within the last few months -- I hope it was non-fiction in 2000, and am glad it was non-fiction more recently!
@slmret - I can't even remember writing it. I would have had one girl 6 and a half years old, one almost 4 and my son would have been turning one year old at the end of the month. I had almost lost my wife just about a year prior to undiagnosed gall bladder issues that weren't discovered until her gall bladder had died and was gangrenous and she was in such pain that even morphine didn't help. That was in June of 1999, though, and this story was dated almost a year later. Who knows?
The memories and concerns must have been incredibly strong at that time -- a year of grief that didn't happen and relief that did -- perhaps some confusion and concern for the future ~ ~ ~
I hope you're having a great Father's Day, now 14 years later!