In the summer of 1995 there was a young man, Dan, stationed at Sheppard Air Force Base temporarily, to undergo the first portion of his military retraining from being an active aircraft mechanic to being a reserve medic. This portion of training was to last 3 months and then he'd be transferred to an actual hospital in order to complete the practical part of his training. He had, for the months prior to his retraining, driven a taxi in Austin, TX and having had the use of his leased taxi, had neglected the purchase of another vehicle for personal use. He was thus reduced to using his racing bicycle as his sole source of transportation. Due to a minor (in the eyes of the military) paperwork error on his part, he was doing his best to live on the few dollars he had squirreled away and though the military provided his room in their hotel-like temporary quarters, it had already been several weeks and his stock of food had been reduced to a sack of potatoes, a block of cheddar cheese and the remains of a pound of butter. With the few dollars he had remaining, he could afford to purchase, again, those same groceries to get him through the week or two remaining until his pay finally arrived. Maybe not a real hardship as he had no real needs, but he had planned this as three months of boy time, and could have really used the money. He was tired of worrying about if he'd ever get married and had decided to make a point of staying away from the girls so he could focus on the other fun stuff, like flying lessons, cycling and any sports team that would have him. So far, except for the money issue, things were going as planned. He had been in the church all his life, and for the first few weeks of his stay in Wichita Falls, had visited a large church in town, but having grown up in a small, agricultural community began to look for a smaller, more personable place to worship. There was a Baptist church in the next town, Burkburnett, about 10 miles away, that he'd heard of and thought he'd try, so he packed some church clothes in his backpack, jumped on his bicycle and began the 10 mile ride through the blazing, afternoon, north Texas, heat. Looking at his watch about five miles down the road, he realized that most churches were already starting their evening services, and he'd miss half the service if he continued as planned. And so, as he crested the next rise and saw a very small church to the right of the road, he decided that if he intended to worship anywhere that evening, this would be the only place practical. He walked in a back door, found a bathroom, changed into his church clothes, spoke to the lady who was curiously looking out the nursery door at the strange guy who'd come in sweaty, in cycling gear and walked out of the bathroom dressed for church, found the entrance to the sanctuary, took a seat in the back and enjoyed a service the likes of those in the small church in which he'd spent many of his childhood Sundays. After church he spoke to most of the few people were eager to meet the tall stranger. He was introduced by a few mothers to their daughters, and got hearty handshakes from the men, then changing back to his cycling clothes jumped on his bike and headed back to base in the early twilight. A few miles down the road, a van he'd seen at the church rolled down its window, someone offered him a ride he declined. He made his way back to his room, had a potato topped with cheddar for dinner, and was off to bed to get ready for the next day's school. Life was good. After a childhood in a house full of kids, (even though he really enjoyed his siblings and the foster kids that were always in and out of the house) a hotel room with one roommate who was on a different schedule and thus very seldom occupied the room at the same time almost seemed a luxury.
On the other side of town was a small house whose husband and father had just been assigned to an unaccompanied tour in Korea, but was about to be sent back due to illness that could best be treated at a hospital back in the states. Mom was trying to make due on an enlisted salary that, typically, fell just a few dollars short of meeting the bills every month. One daughter, Mary, at 16, had just gotten married to her high school sweetheart and had rented a small place in Fort Worth. The other, Tina, with her 18 month old, had moved back in a few months prior after being effectively abandoned by her husband of a year. She had gotten pregnant at 16, married and moved off to Germany as her husband joined the army, then began to spend the money and stay on base, leaving her without money to feed herself and the child many miles from base. Leaving to fly back home, she told him that when he was ready to support his family she'd be back, but as with many young men who make decisions they regret later in life, he spoke with her a few times on the phone, visited his daughter once while back in the states, and then disappeared. She was in the middle of trying to arrange a divorce from a spouse she couldn't find. Two older brothers were grown, and had started families of their own. Tina, living at home with mom and child had also, sworn off men until she could get her life straightened out and maybe get some education to be able to support her child on her own, since there was no indication that support would be coming if the child's father couldn't be found. The same Sunday night, they made their way to church. A small country church which they had attended for several years during a prior tour of duty at Sheppard AFB. Mom went into the service, and the daughter took her turn watching the few children in the nursery. A sort of goofy looking tall guy walked in after church started, found the bathroom and quickly walked out dressed to impress, not fancily, but certainly not typically for a man attending a small country church in north Texas. Loafers, (really?) ironed khakis, an oxford shirt and a tie too. This guy obviously wasn't a local. He would be new in town, probably from the base, but maybe working at one of the small local factories; definitely not the oilfield, though. Mom, irritatingly (she knew Tina was trying to avoid men at this point) made a point of introducing the new guy to her, and as if that wasn't enough, pulled up beside him on the way home and offered him a ride. Luckily, he politely declined, and soon they were back at home getting ready for bed.
A couple days later, when Dan got home from work, there was a message on his desk, "A lady from the church called, they're having a dinner. Someone will be by to pick you up at 6pm." Now if any of you aren't familiar with single young men, you'll need to know that they love any offer of food and the socializing that goes with it, so for him it was a no-brainer he'd be getting ready for dinner and looking forward to an evening with people and good, home cooked food instead of sitting in the room eating a potato and staring at the wall or working out solo down at the gym.
That same night when Tina got off work (She managed a Subway restaurant in town) her mom asked her why she was so late told her to hurry up. They were having company and she still needed to make dinner and get dressed to go pick him up on base. As she tried to control her temper, she quickly made some of her pea salad (the one that everyone loved), got a shower and dressed pointedly not applying makeup, and jumped in her mom's minivan to go pick this guy up. She popped a Selena cassette in the radio, again making a point of showing this guy that she likes music that she was certain he wouldn't. She finds him waiting and he gets in the van, welcoming the cool of its air conditioning. "Isn't this that girl, Selena that's real popular on the Tejano stations right now?" "Yes, that's her. (Ugh.. he likes this music.)" "Doesn't she have a song that got played on the regular stations, too?" "Yep"
He quickly found out that he wasn't going to a church dinner but to dinner at the house of a family from the church; not an entirely unpleasant surprise since this girl was definitely not unpleasing to the eyes and her baby sister (who he later found out to actually be her daughter) was pretty cute and a fun child, too from what he had seen at church on Sunday night. She quickly mentioned that she was going through a divorce and not interested in dating, and he replied that that was actually a relief, since he would be here for only a couple months more, and didn't care to become entangled either. Conversation after that was more comfortable and they quickly arrived and dinner was served. Dan quickly turned offensive, though when he refused her pea salad at dinner. "I can't stand food with mayonnaise." (Who the heck did he think he was turning his nose up to her best dish, when he was eating at a stranger's house and enjoying their hospitality.) After dinner, the evening didn't yet seem done, so he came up with an idea. If he would forgo the cheese on next week's grocery list, he could just afford three ice cream cones at the shop in town. So to soothe the ruffled feathers over the pea salad incident, he made a proposal. Hey, if your mom'll let us use her car, I'll get you some ice cream. (Ok, he's trying to be nice, and it is awfully hot out, there's no harm in a little ice cream and some time out of the house with another person my age.) "Ok, it's a deal" Dan, having grown up with kids in and out of the house, and being serious about the no dating thing, picked up the child, Sandra, and headed out to the car. Tina was in a bit of shock. Several men had shown interest in her in the months she had been back with her parents, but none had ever even considered spending time with her and her daughter. Dan was completely oblivious. The ice cream was a success, and Dan's focus seemed to be mostly on Sandra as they played with each other while eating their ice cream. At the end of the evening, Tina, thinking that a couple of months hanging around with a guy who took such an interest in her daughter couldn't be a bad thing, especially a guy who had no interest in romance during that time, made an offer. "Come on over anytime. You help out with some of the man stuff around the house and we'll feed you." She was obviously in the dark about his current eating arrangements. He thought it was just a courtesy, and left it at that. A couple nights later, at the fireworks show on base, Dan looked up and saw, a little distance away, Tina with her daughter and her mom. The invite was repeated, and Dan, being no fool, at least in regards to eating (He had just resorted to selling platelets to get an extra twenty bucks to tide him over.) decided he would take them up on it this time. Next afternoon, as soon as classes were over, Dan was on his bike and covered the few miles to there house quickly. The lawn was mowed, food was served, and a precedent was set. Every afternoon that there wasn't a softball game, he'd be on his bike and over at their house as fast as he could after work. Then he got his pay, and had to come up with a reason to keep showing up. Again with the if we can use your mom's car thing, but this time to dinner and a movie. Every bit of spare time was spent together, and soon, Tina realized that she had fallen in love with this guy. Dan liked her, too, but hadn't yet crossed in his mind the bridge of "love". He certainly could, but she certainly wasn't the type he'd envisioned himself marrying, and after almost a year of trying, she couldn't even find her husband to have papers served, so her life was on hold, until the courts had exhausted their proceedings. He supposed he'd see the last of her when he was transferred away to his next assignment. He did hold a secret hope of being assigned to the hospital at Sheppard, but that was dashed when he got his assignment to Wilford Hall, the huge Air Force hospital in San Antonio, and he was secretly excited to spend some time in a big city like that. Meanwhile, one evening after dinner, they were watching TV, and Sandra walked up to him and asking him a question, addressed him as Daddy. Tina was mortified, thinking that this would be the end of everything, but Dan just sort of blew it off. That started him thinking, though. This little girl was becoming attached to him, and he'd better think seriously about sticking around or hitting the road, because he'd seen the issues foster kids dealt with when they moved from caregiver to caregiver. If he was honest with himself, he had fallen in love with the little girl, but he figured he'd told them he was on his way out of town when he met them, so he'd see what happened when he moved away and postpone his decision 'til then. The day came for him to leave, and he and his friend packed their stuff into his friend's little RX-7 and stopped by the house to say goodbye. Sandra was asleep and Tina seemed on the verge of tears. Since he knew that realistically this would probably be the end, about 10 minutes out of town, he had his friend turn around. He stopped at a store and bought a little toy for Sandra and a single rose for Tina. She'd been hurt so much. She'd known this would end this way, but he wanted the parting to be a fond one and not so much a painful one. She had by now lain down to take a nap and when he shook her shoulder and gave her the rose and toy, she thought she was dreaming. Then he was off. Little did they know, he was the one who was hooked, and she though it would be painful, would take him or leave him, because that's what a person has to do when they have no control over another, and she, more than he, had experienced the hard aspects of life.
The next few months passed in a blur. Training at a large hospital was exciting with stints in emergency and labor & delivery. New friends were made, but every night the phone lines between San Antonio and Wichita Falls were afire. Both held out hope for a relationship they knew was probably hopeless. The courts allowed the divorce to proceed after a time, and the phone calls continued. As the time for his training came to a close, Dan found out that his reserve unit would be closing about the time he finished his schooling, and so his plans to return to Austin and drive a taxi while spending close to half of each year active would have to be changed. He decided that since this relationship had obviously taken on a life of its own, and he had nowhere else to be, he may as well move back to Wichita Falls and see if it might turn into something. He quickly found a job as a taxi driver there, and moved back. Soon, he found a better job climbing telephone poles to install fiber optic cable with a company that would be retrofitting the entire area with the new stuff. Though he should have expected it, he didn't. A decision loomed, and he wasn't sure he was ready to make it. Pressure mounted from both sets of parents, but close friends cautioned that if he had reservations he should be careful as pressure from parents might not be the best reason to start a life together with a woman. One morning, he took her to work from her parent's house (her dad had long been home by now) and on the way, they exchanged angry words. He determined that he'd pack and be out of town before she finished work, and she somehow knew that he would. She called, and he ignored the phone. If life around this woman was this miserable before she had even extracted a commitment from him, how would it be once he was chained to her by marriage? He took off driving toward Burkburnett in his old truck, but thought maybe it was worth one more shot. Now it had been close to nine months since they had met. Sandra was without pretense, attached to this man, and he was feeling the pressure. Meanwhile, Tina was getting advice from both sets of parents. "Give him an ultimatum. Tell him make a decision or leave." The funny thing is Dan was determined that if an ultimatum was posed, he would take that as a sign that this was not to be. He would not be forced into a marriage. Tina, despite being quite the impulsive hothead, held her tongue and gave him some time. One day it was like a thunderclap. "What would I do if I had to make a decision right now," he thought. "I'm head over heels about this girl and her child. For some reason they both are madly in love with me. She stuck it out with her first husband until there was literally no option but to leave or beg for food. She may not be the image of the "perfect woman" I had in my head, but this is life, and that perfect woman is most likely as nonexistent as the airbrushed models in a magazine. Honestly this is probably her settling and me getting far beyond what I deserve. Let's see, she's beautiful, and smart, and funny. She's phenomenal with money, and a good mom to Sandra. What, am I stupid?" That day, in as unromantic a proposal as has ever been made, he told her something to the effect of, "If I was forced to make a decision right now, I'd marry you, so if you're still interested I'd love to be your husband." A few weeks later, with every spare penny he could scratch together, he found a gold ring with a tiny diamond at a pawn shop, and after some serious haggling and threatening to walk out the door, he walked out with an empty wallet and a used ring. After a visit to a local jeweler who downsized it in exchange for keeping the little bit of extra gold, he presented her with a miserable excuse for an engagement ring.
I am Dan, and this month I will celebrate, with Tina and our six children, Sandra (one more, Sam, we won't see 'til we get to heaven), Samantha (named in honor of the one we lost), Danny, Grace, Rebekah and Isabel will celebrate 15 years of marriage, and though nothing about our life together has been easy, it has been good, and I wouldn't change a bit of it.
(Please excuse the poor photos. The photographer, Linda Niehorster did a wonderful job, but I don't have a scanner to do them justice, and I just took stills of the prints. Mom got the negatives several years after the wedding, but I didn't plan this post early enough to get them the whole way from Florida)
You're not getting out of this, now!
Whew! She went through with it!
Me with my best man, my Dad.
They really did it!
How'd a melonhead like me convince this pretty girl to marry me? Guess she's allowed a lapse in judgement, too, eh?
Your chariot awaits, madam!
