I've started this post several times over the last few months and thrown it away as many.  I don't want to just put up a bunch of words from a guy who can't understand just for the sake of it, but I see so many of you out there, and I read the pain you lay out on the pages of your blogs.  I see the unrealistic expectations laid out for you by society.  I've dealt with being able only to hear the criticism.  I grew up in a house with foster and adopted children who came from homes where they experienced all sorts of indescribable abuse.  I am  married to a woman who dealt with abuse at the hands of relatives.  I may not have experienced all the troubles the world has thrown at you, but I've seen my fair share, and stood by as people tried to put together some semblance of normalcy from the broken pieces.   I guess what I'm trying to say is, no I probably haven't hurt as bad as you, and I may never.  What I will say is, I've seen people give up and lose.  I've seen people let the hurt win.  I've seen them be angry and hate, and the (not so) funny thing is, the person who they are angry with, who they hate so much, many times has moved on and doesn't even remember the slight, the abuse, the misery they so blithely put into the life of their victim.  I've seen the abused, the bullied, the beaten down become the abuser and the bully.  I've also seen the victimized person beat themselves down more thoroughly and more effectively than the other person could ever have imagined to. That unkind word they said so thoughtlessly, you repeat to yourself every time you begin to experience the least bit of joy or happiness.  You give them power.  You feed the monster and it grows.   (With this part I can empathize.) I'm the guy who finds myself, in the long hours driving a truck hundreds of miles, reliving the stupid things I've done, and blurting out, "Stupid!"  "Moron" and other descriptives about every minute detail of the stupid things I've done in the last forty years.  Dumb, embarrassing mistakes that only I remember, and if others do, they've long reconsigned them to the "funny old experiences with my friends" folder in the recesses of their brain, only to be remembered if I actually remind them.  It's a destructive compulsion, but something that just happens.  I'll realize all of a sudden, that I've been there, in that place again, and I look around to see if anyone heard me blurting out one word descriptions of my long past mistakes.  I know,  nothing like fighting an eating issue, mine just undercuts my self confidence, yours threatens your life.  Just saying, I get where you're coming from, if not in equal measure.  So let me get to the point.  

Beat this thing for you.  You are that important.  Do they really deserve to have the power to minimize all that is you, just because you hand it to them on a silver plate long after they've forgotten you and moved on to other people?    Beat it so you don't become them.  Beat it so you can begin to make them irrelevant in your life.  Why do they deserve to consume your thoughts and control your life?   Beat it by being better.  When you struggle the most, you are most focused on two people, the ones who helped you onto this path and yourself.  It may be hard, but begin to make a choice.  Instead of engaging in whatever your destructive behavior is, get up, go out and help someone.  Go sit and talk with that lonely old lady down the street.  Babysit for a few hours for the mom with young kids who never gets a moment by herself without a kid tugging at her shirt and saying, "Mama, mama, mama!".   Have lunch with your little brother or sister at school.  Heck, even clean the house for your parents.  Many of us don't realize the misery and boredom that surrounds us, and the ability we all have to ease that in the lives of others.  Take the focus off you and you may,  for a little while be able to quiet the voices that criticize you from inside your head.  Make a friend.  Just a few suggestions to help you begin to cope.  To stop the downward spiral that life has become. To level off and give you a starting point to improve.  

One more thing, then I'll finish this post and let you tell me if what I have to say is at all relevant or  I should shut up and go back to my "old man with a darn good life posting pics of his kids" posts.  Whatever your behavior, just put it off a little.  Procrastinate.  If you cut, just put it off for a while next time you're tempted.  If you purge, do the same.  If you're tempted to not eat, just eat a little.  Then do something.  If it's late at night, go to sleep.  If it's a long, boring, empty afternoon, go do something like I mentioned above, or take a bike ride or go down to the gym.  Just procrastinate a little.  If you can stretch those bad times apart a little farther, you've made your life a little better.  We all know that a problem of this size wasn't made overnight and it'd be silly to say you can fix it overnight.  One of the biggest traits of a successful person is that they make realistic goals, and at first (as when I started to drop my pant size from an unhealthy 46 to the much healthier but slightly above recommended 34 where I now happily reside) a realistic goal may be just to make the dangerous behavior a little less dangerous.  Success breeds success and a little goal reached will be a small stepping stone toward the next.  I hope I've been at least a little helpful.  Remember, you are a valuable person just like you are, and there's at least one more person out here who thinks so.

Oh by the way.  If you are here just to trash people who are suffering from something you can't understand, don't bother wasting your time.  On this post, your comments will be deleted.  Criticize me and my thinking or encourage my friends and you're good.  If you have nothing else to contribute, don't waste your time and mine.

We had a beautiful day yesterday, so after I picked the kids up from school we went down to the wharf in town and the kids played and took turns with the camera, while I took my turns and supervised.  

A weeping willow.

A family coming in from enjoying the evening out on the water.

Mallard ducks.  Shooting with a 300mm zoom.  They were on the other side of the river.

Gracie took my jacket because the temperature started to drop.

A great blue heron.  We saw three, but only got pics of one.  None of them close enough for a lot of detail, though.

I was trying to show Isa that it was safe to walk out on the piers and one of the kids told me to do Superman.  Here's the result.  Man have I lost a bunch of hair.

I think this was a buzzard.

Playing around with capturing motion for the class we're taking.

More motion.

Isa with a mussel shell.

A couple buzzards.

The trees are starting to bud.

We saw two bald eagles, but neither of them came very close either, so this is the best shot we could get.

Two mallards flying.  Boy are these hard to track through an eyepiece.  They are FAST!

We watched this gull dive and catch a fish.

Gracie, Rebekah, and Isabel having a little fun.

Isa.

The youngest 5.  Sandra was off at work.

Danny and Samantha.

       I'm trying to ignite some friendly conversation about things that seem to be taboo, even in the tumultuous world of Xanga.  I'm trying to get some people from different world views to weigh in with their opinions, and then really think and support their arguments about issues that either face us or have historically and as such, probably will face us again in the future.  I was thinking a couple of weeks ago that I really miss some of the late night conversations we had at college, debating things that may or may not have been important, but in the process learning that other people of good will think differently and many of the issues we either take for granted or ignore, deserve at least a little thought and might demand even more.

I made a first try last week, and I'm gonna try from a different angle this week.   Check out my last weeks post if you haven't, but here's this week's question. When should the Germans or the Japanese or the Romans have stood up to their government and taken the law into their own hands?   Let's use the Germans for instance.  When should there have been an outcry from a country whose people claimed the Christian religion?  When the Jews were restricted to their own neighborhoods?  When they were hauled away to ghettos?  How about when they were used as slave labor at the factories in town?  

Does legal equal ethical/moral in your world view?

How do you know when your government has crossed the line and when it is time to stand up to it or to take matters in your own hands?  

What should be the response of the citizenry in a situation like the one Germany faced under Hitler's rising power?

The whole world condemns the Germans for allowing the Holocaust to occur under their noses, so really think about it.  At what point in the progression down the slope to utter degradation, should the people have joined together and stood up to those in power?  What could they have done anyway?  

  I've been bargain hunting, and found a secret.  If you want a lens for your camera that's new to you, especially your new Sony (since the pretty decent quality Minolta Maxxum lenses are compatible),  they can be found very cheap if you buy them attached to an old film camera.  Typically less than half what you would pay if you bought the same lens on the same site, but bought it separately.  I purchased three lenses this way, and didn't do poorly at all.  Yes, you purists will know I don't have the best out there, but we're getting started, so for under a hundred bucks, I have a manual focus 50mm 1.7, and two autofocus lenses, a 28-80 3.5-5.6, and a 60-300 4-5.6.  To top it all off, I have two minolta 35mm SLR film camera bodies, a maxxum 7000, and a maxxum SI/SL  body for the kids to play with.  Anyway, down to business.  I put some bird food out this morning and sat out on the front step for about an hour to see what I could see.  

This guy got a ketchup packet from the side of the road, then flew to the top of the telephone pole, so I got him in focus and waited.

Shooting across the street into the field.

This is one of those, "wish I had set the shutter speed a little higher"shots, but honestly it was all I could do to just keep him somewhere in the frame.  I was shooting aperture priority, but really wish I'd shot manual or shutter.  When he started flying, I had a hard time following.  Guess it's a skill that'll have to improve with practice.  I think it's easier to aim a shotgun at a moving bird than it is to get him in the viewfinder of a camera.  Here, he was slowing to land.  I love the motion they do, throwing their tail forward and hunching their shoulders to beat their wings with maximum force to arrest their forward progress and flare (just like an airplane) just prior to settling down gently on their chosen perch.

Several things I liked about this one.  I shot it at max aperture, so the focus is very thin, and the bird's eye (which I miraculously got in focus) is on the same plane as the face of the brick.  Also, if you look closely, you can actually see the piece of corn he had just picked up. 

And, yes, the pic below is intruded upon by the cyclone fencing, but the whole idea was to see what birds I could shoot from the one spot on the step.  Should've walked away a few steps, but I wasn't sure she would stay, and I had made the rules darnit.

My cousin's 14 year old daughter, Danielle, left home yesterday morning around 3 am with her boyfriend the same age.  She left a note saying she was running away.

Neither child can drive, so it is being assumed that an adult provided them transportation.  Tonight will be their second night away, and her parents are distraught.

She has not been the kind of child you would expect this from.  Please pray for their safety, and on the off chance you would see her, please contact the police and let them know to contact the police in Archdale, North Carolina.  

Just heard at 10:15 that she's with the police! Don't know anything else.  Thanks so much for your prayers and concern.

Here are a few pics from the local high school's production of The Music Man.  I was disappointed to see, as I walked in that flash photography would not be allowed, but I figured I would at least try since I had gotten the (almost) camera of my dreams.  Boy was I surprised at what this thing could do.  Ok, that said, my camera skills, or lack thereof were not even the point.  This school and these kids put on a phenomenal production.  

Here's a sampling of the photos I got.  I'm shooting from halfway back the auditorium and only have an 80mm zoom, though the lens was designed for a 35mm camera so it gives a little more zoom than the numbers tell.  For those of you who know or care, my last experience with an SLR was a completely manual one, so jumping up to a modern computerized one is taking a little time, and the learning curve is steep.  I'm still trying to figure out when to use shutter priority or aperture or manual.  My photographer friends have recommended aperture priority after I told them I was concentrating on shutter priority and manual for most of these.  I'll see how it pans out when I go to Sunday's show.  Any advice would be welcomed from you photographer types.

First scene on the train.

.

That's my daughter (the pick a little lady) in the center of the picture with the red shirt under the gray dress.

That's her again in the black dress with the white belt around the middle.

   Perusing several articles on the issue of Joseph Kony, I've noticed a common sentiment that it would be wonderful if someone would take it on themself to take the man out with a well placed rifle shot.  That got my mind turning on an issue that has turned in my brain now for many years, and I expressed it in this comment on the site of @NVPhotography.

 "It is an interesting and cautionary argument because it could be applied to the thief entering and doing or threatening to do harm to my family, to Joseph Kony, and to a doctor who makes his living taking the lives of defenseless children in their mother's womb.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating going out and doing harm to your local abortion doctor, I'm simply saying that the logic, if applied to one situation, objectively applies to the others as well.  Understand, I wouldn't hesitate to do harm to the man in my house.  That's not a hypothetical.  It is what has happened in situations where I saw a defenseless person being abused.  This bothers me because, it means that I have it within me to take that logic farther and apply it to someone like Joseph Kony or any other person harming people who have no ability to protect themselves.   That capability within myself, is comforting in the situation where someone I love is being threatened, but raises some difficult questions in my mind that I have not yet been able to resolve.  Would I, if I had the chance, take the life of Kony?  I think I would.  Would I, if I had the chance do the same to a person who takes the life of unborn children for money?  I have chosen not to allow myself to answer that question, even in my head, because of the implications of such reasoning, so no I wouldn't, but (and this question turns around and over and over inside my head sometimes on long drives [I'm a truck driver])  why would I certainly do the first, probably do the second and yet not be willing to do the third?"

  My questions to you would be, "Which if any of these three scenarios is ethical or moral, (killing a person to prevent them from murders which they will inevitably continue to commit) even though it may or may not be legal?"  "Upon what do you objectively base your argument?", and "If one scenario is to your understanding, ethical, even necessary, how can you justify any of the others?"

I'm truly interested in the opinions of people from differing political and religious perspectives, b/c I hear often the justification of one of the first two, but universal condemnation of the last, and I have heard many unsatisfactory explanations.  People simply use different logic for the different situations, and I'd be interested in hearing a well thought out view that is consistent across all three situations, whether for, against or nuanced but consistently justifying one but condemning the other(s).  Please rec and discuss, but refrain from name calling and disrespect.  I'd like to see an actual exchange of ideas about an issue that is emotional but logically difficult.  Robust argument is encouraged.

edit:  I'm trying to clarify this to keep the discussion focused, and because I may have worded my initial questions ambiguously. I'll number my edits as I post them.

 1. What is the responsibility of the (insert your world view)  citizen when government refuses to protect those who it is sworn to protect?

 2.  Where does "due process" fit into this question and when (if ever) is it ok to set it aside?

 I went out to check on Isabel, because the kids said she was out of sorts, and I couldn't resist taking some pictures.  

She's a mercurial child.  She is easily upset sometimes, but is quick to forgive and laughing and best friends with the offender a minute later.  

I love how expressive her face is.

Sad thing is, she's our baby and she's growing up so quickly.

Just for the record, this is a pic of her about a minute and a half later.

So the new camera arrived a few days ago and we're finally learning at least the basics of which buttons to push to make it take pictures. Somehow, though, I've lost a bunch of the files I downloaded to the computer, so until I find them, here are some of the ones I did find.

Gracie taking her turn.

One of my first shots of Gracie.

I found Isa out in the yard crying and had to get a few shots.

The whole, motley crew, minus Daddy and Mama

Mama and Isa.

The wharf in our town, from the newest part.

Another shot from the wharf.

A gull just after he decided to take off.

Our cat.  The kids call her Ivy, but I call her dinner (for the bald eagle that nests across the field). Sam took this one.

Gracie got this pic.

I got this one while I was playing with the continuous shooting. Obviously the on camera flash was not the proper tool for this shot, but they all liked this one, b/c they said it looked like Sam was walking down a runway.  I may use this one to build some lightroom skills, and see if it's not at least capable of being salvaged.

Sam(antha) took these two pictures of Gracie. 

This one she liked specifically because of how the sun played on her hair.

 I recently purchased a new camera and some related gear, but in the interest of saving money, I purchased it online.  I completely forgot that this involved waiting for the products to arrive, and as soon as I paid, the jittery waiting began.  I checked (every ten minutes, it seemed) my email to see when the products shipped, and with my first shipping notification came a link to an application that calmed my nerves like a shot of morphine in the veins of a heroin addict.  TrackThis.  I just had to register, then enter my tracking codes and a name for each package, then the service would shoot me an email every. single. time. that package was scanned on its way to me.  I literally got four emails at one point as the package arrived, then progressed through a carriers facility at a single location.  I woke up several times in the night and though I'd normally have rolled over and gone back to sleep, I took the time to check the email on my phone to find that it had progressed  through NJ, arrived in Easton, MD, and then just as the kids rolled out to school, left the facility on the delivery truck.  A half hour later, a brown uniformed man brought a big Adorama branded box to my front door.   Aaaah! relief... another hit of gratification.  For some reason that did it for me, and the box sitting in the front room has satisfied my cravings as I wait for the kids to all be home at the same time sometime around 7:30 so we can all share in the experience of opening it.  Meanwhile, I'm getting little boosts as my other packages proceed through the system and make their way a little closer to my door with each flashing email notification on my phone.  It may just be a bit of a let down when they have all arrived.  

Interesting tidbit.  The UPS package left New York City yesterday midafternoon and was at my door by 9:30 am, and that was the free 7-10 day super saver shipping.  Glad I didn't spend the extra sixteen bucks on the two to three day shipping.  It took longer for my order to be processed at the store than it did for it to get here.